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Please put more jokes here

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    Oh good Brillo you are ancient :

    (Wife's dress size + years married) x (marriages + children)

    =how old the husband feels
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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      An Indian technician has been sucked into a plane's engine at Mumbai Airport, killing him instantly.

      His family are praising Vishnu that it wasn't a Ryan Air plane, or they might have charged him a boarding fee.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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        "That's John, that's Dave and that's Danny. They were all shot and killed. They went far too young".

        To civilized people, that's your grandad telling you about the war.

        To Americans, it's your dad showing you his class photo.
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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          Andy Murray willing to quit Australian Open to be at birth of first child.

          No need Andy. The baby is due in the second week.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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            One for me

            "Do you remember what day today is?" asked my wife.

            "Of course!" I replied. "...Happy Valenbirthsary!"
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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              British astronaut Tim Peake was disappointed today when he discovered that you can't really see the Great Wall of China from space. He has said, however, that he can clearly see Kim Kardashian's arse.
              Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

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                Sweet dreams are made of cheese
                Who am I to diss a brie
                I cheddar the world and the feta cheese
                Everybody's looking for stilton

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                  I'm trying to get into this Dry January thing and I'm perfectly happy drinking Dry Gin, but it's the dry white wine that I'm struggling with.
                  …Maybe we ain’t that young anymore

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                    Whilst stopping over in the Middle East I asked a gentlemen how his wife was. He replied that they were all fine.
                    I'm alright Jack

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                      Wow, to think I started this thread almost 9 years ago. How time flies!

                      I'm really cr@p at remembering or telling jokes.

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