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Please put more jokes here

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    The missus just gave birth. She went through 9 months of pregnancy, 10 hours in excruciating painful labour, fanny stretched beyond the recognition of any sane man. Blood and afterbirth everywhere.
    All I did was have an orgasm 9 months previous. Indeed the happiest day of my life.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?

      U r a bus
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during my the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his.
        It began "My daddy fell in a well last week."
        Good grief! the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

        "He must be," said little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My son got his 50 meter swimming badge the other day.

          I don't know how the postman got it through the letterbox.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Originally posted by vetran View Post
            My wife turned up at a fancy dress party pissed as a fart and drove into a tree,

            "It's ok, " she said. "I've come as Katie Price.
            Went to a friends fancy dress party in just my boxer shorts. When he opened the door he looked at me and asked 'What are you supposed to be?' 'A premature ejaculation' I answered. 'How is that outfit supposed to be a premature ejaculation?' He asked. I looked at him and says 'Well I've just come in my pants'
            'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

            Comment


              Originally posted by northernladuk View Post

              Went to a friends fancy dress party in just my boxer shorts. When he opened the door he looked at me and asked 'What are you supposed to be?' 'A premature ejaculation' I answered. 'How is that outfit supposed to be a premature ejaculation?' He asked. I looked at him and says 'Well I've just come in my pants'
              Year after he had another where the theme was 'emotions'. Loads of people dressing up like the 7 dwarves, or in grey or with smileys all over themselves. I knock on the door, he opens and I'm there butt nekkid with my knob in a bowl of vanilla sauce. 'OMG not again, what are you supposed to be this time'. I said 'Im f**king dis custard'.
              'CUK forum personality of 2011 - Winner - Yes really!!!!

              Comment


                Just tried a 68....

                Same as a 69 but with a chubby bird.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  What do you call a Chav on fire?

                  Sauteed.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Got myself a Simba mattress.

                    I'm now the lying king.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My friend asked to borrow some money after losing his job at the local hospital as a Stool Sample analyst,

                      of course I couldn't let him down,

                      Not after all the tulip he's been through...
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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