1. Contracting
    1. General
      1. Brexit
    2. Business / Contracts
      1. Coronavirus Assistance
    3. Accounting / Legal
      1. Umbrella Companies
      2. HMRC Scheme Enquiries
      3. The Future of Contracting
      4. IR35 Reform
    4. Technical
    5. Welcome / FAQs
  2. Social
    1. Light Relief
    2. Social / Events
  • Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
  • Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
9391 to 9400 of 9783 Previous 1 440 840 890 930 937 938 939 940 941 942 943 950 979 template Next
Collapse
Reply to Thread
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
9391 to 9400 of 9783 Previous 1 440 840 890 930 937 938 939 940 941 942 943 950 979 template Next
    #9391
    My grandfather broke his leg by standing on a door mat.

    I probably should have explained the concept of a helter skelter.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment

      #9392
      Texas says abortion can remain legal but the baby gets an AR-15 to defend itself.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment

        #9393
        If it weren't for Arabs we'd never have 9/11.

        Instead we'd have IX/XI.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment

          #9394
          What's black and white and desperate for attention?

          Gary Linekar
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment

            #9395
            Nobody was interested in my carpentry class until I offered to teach them how to make glory holes.

            Now they're all coming out of the woodwork.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment

              #9396
              '...My Dentist says I need a crown.

              FINALLY!

              Someone who appreciates me.'
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment

                #9397
                Welcome to the Assumption Club.

                I think we all know why we're here.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment

                  #9398
                  First time I met my wife I immediately thought "what an arse"
                  Sadly, so did she about me.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment

                    #9399
                    Flaming British tradesmen!
                    Just paid a chippie £300 to build me a double bed and the idiot has done a bunk!
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment

                      #9400
                      Doctor, doctor. I keep thinking I'm a supermarket.
                      Doctor: How long have you felt like this?
                      Me: Since I was Lidl.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Reply to Thread
                      9391 to 9400 of 9783 Previous 1 440 840 890 930 937 938 939 940 941 942 943 950 979 template Next

                      Advertisers

                      1. Contracting
                        1. General
                          1. Brexit
                        2. Business / Contracts
                          1. Coronavirus Assistance
                        3. Accounting / Legal
                          1. Umbrella Companies
                          2. HMRC Scheme Enquiries
                          3. The Future of Contracting
                          4. IR35 Reform
                        4. Technical
                        5. Welcome / FAQs
                      2. Social
                        1. Light Relief
                        2. Social / Events
                      Working...
                      X