Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

What's green and smells of tulip
Kermits arse

[vetran]

Singer Janet Jackson has announced she is expecting her first child at the age of fifty.

That's no big deal. By that age, her brother had had hundreds.

[vetran]

Thank god I am atheist.

[vetran]

I went to a disco last night.
They played the twist, so I did the twist.
They played the jump, so I jumped.
They played come on Eileen.
I got thrown out for that one.

[vetran]

What do you call a pissed off Muslim? Amin Amood.

[vetran]

Jesus once said "He who lives by the sword, will die by the sword"

He was a carpenter that died by being nailed to a piece of wood, so he might have had a point.

[vetran]

For the Donald

If you are not meant to grab it then why is it called a snatch?

[vetran]

For NickFitz

I think I promised to have three beers, and be home by ten.

I always get those two mixed up.

[vetran]

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was really tense.

[vetran]

Ive just been mugged in Bradford, the police officer asked if I could give a description of the assailant.

"I can give a very accurate description," I replied, as he opened his notebook. "He was a white youth aged between...."

"That's OK sir," he said, closing his book. "We're well acquainted with the lad in question."