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Please put more jokes here

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    Oh good Brillo you are ancient :

    (Wife's dress size + years married) x (marriages + children)

    =how old the husband feels
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      An Indian technician has been sucked into a plane's engine at Mumbai Airport, killing him instantly.

      His family are praising Vishnu that it wasn't a Ryan Air plane, or they might have charged him a boarding fee.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        "That's John, that's Dave and that's Danny. They were all shot and killed. They went far too young".

        To civilized people, that's your grandad telling you about the war.

        To Americans, it's your dad showing you his class photo.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Andy Murray willing to quit Australian Open to be at birth of first child.

          No need Andy. The baby is due in the second week.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            One for me

            "Do you remember what day today is?" asked my wife.

            "Of course!" I replied. "...Happy Valenbirthsary!"
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              British astronaut Tim Peake was disappointed today when he discovered that you can't really see the Great Wall of China from space. He has said, however, that he can clearly see Kim Kardashian's arse.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Sweet dreams are made of cheese
                Who am I to diss a brie
                I cheddar the world and the feta cheese
                Everybody's looking for stilton

                Comment


                  I'm trying to get into this Dry January thing and I'm perfectly happy drinking Dry Gin, but it's the dry white wine that I'm struggling with.
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    Whilst stopping over in the Middle East I asked a gentlemen how his wife was. He replied that they were all fine.
                    I'm alright Jack

                    Comment


                      Wow, to think I started this thread almost 9 years ago. How time flies!

                      I'm really cr@p at remembering or telling jokes.

                      Comment

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