Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Oh good Brillo you are ancient :

(Wife's dress size + years married) x (marriages + children)

=how old the husband feels

[vetran]

An Indian technician has been sucked into a plane's engine at Mumbai Airport, killing him instantly.

His family are praising Vishnu that it wasn't a Ryan Air plane, or they might have charged him a boarding fee.

[vetran]

"That's John, that's Dave and that's Danny. They were all shot and killed. They went far too young".

To civilized people, that's your grandad telling you about the war.

To Americans, it's your dad showing you his class photo.

[vetran]

Andy Murray willing to quit Australian Open to be at birth of first child.

No need Andy. The baby is due in the second week.

[vetran]

One for me

"Do you remember what day today is?" asked my wife.

"Of course!" I replied. "...Happy Valenbirthsary!"

[vetran]

British astronaut Tim Peake was disappointed today when he discovered that you can't really see the Great Wall of China from space. He has said, however, that he can clearly see Kim Kardashian's arse.

[BrilloPad]

Sweet dreams are made of cheese
Who am I to diss a brie
I cheddar the world and the feta cheese
Everybody's looking for stilton

[WTFH]

I'm trying to get into this Dry January thing and I'm perfectly happy drinking Dry Gin, but it's the dry white wine that I'm struggling with.

[BlasterBates]

Whilst stopping over in the Middle East I asked a gentlemen how his wife was. He replied that they were all fine.

[ChimpMaster]

Wow, to think I started this thread almost 9 years ago. How time flies!

I'm really cr@p at remembering or telling jokes.