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Please put more jokes here

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    Genius

    Instead of spending our taxes on MPs expenses, the government should spend them on schools, hospitals, cancer research, the sick, the elderly and the homeless.

    Then, once a year, the BBC could have an "MPs In Need" night and anybody who feels sorry for them could chip in for that.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      For our Divorcees

      I took my mate out on the pull, as he hasn't had a woman since his divorce ten years ago.

      In the club he said to me, "But I don't know how to talk to women!"

      I replied, "You used to be married, dude! Just talk to them the way you used to talk to your wife."

      Didn't end too well.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        For NLUK

        The moans and screams coming from the neighbours next door were getting too loud last night, that I had to go over and knock on their door.

        Upon opening up, a sweaty guy appeared in a bathrobe, smiling at me.

        I said, "Excuse me, I'd like to talk about your lady screaming out loud."

        "Oh I'm sorry, were we too loud?" he asked.

        "No, I just need some tips," I replied, "She doesn't moan as much when I'm Tupping her."
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          For PC

          I hate living on a council estate.

          There's always some idiot trying to keep you awake at all hours of the afternoon.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            A double decker bus has been stolen from Stagecoach and found crashed in Droylsden. A company spokesman has said,

            "If whoever did this would like to contact the depot, we can offer him a start on Monday morning. "
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              "Hello, my name's Dave and I'm addicted to baby powder."

              -Talcoholics anonymous.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                After doing the conga at the Christmas party, I was sacked on the spot.

                Luckily I hated working at the zoo.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  wait for it...

                  I was in my local brothel the other day for a cream tea and I decided to start a food fight. Before I knew it, I was thrown out and banned for life.

                  I learned an important lesson that day:
                  People in brass houses shouldn't throw scones
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Isis are planning a full scale terror attack on the Dubai Comic con.

                    It will be the closest they will ever get to 72 virgins.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      for MF

                      My teacher said I'd end up working in McDonald's. Well, look who's laughing now.

                      The guy's ordering chicken off me in KFC.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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