Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Genius

Instead of spending our taxes on MPs expenses, the government should spend them on schools, hospitals, cancer research, the sick, the elderly and the homeless.

Then, once a year, the BBC could have an "MPs In Need" night and anybody who feels sorry for them could chip in for that.

[vetran]

For our Divorcees

I took my mate out on the pull, as he hasn't had a woman since his divorce ten years ago.

In the club he said to me, "But I don't know how to talk to women!"

I replied, "You used to be married, dude! Just talk to them the way you used to talk to your wife."

Didn't end too well.

[vetran]

For NLUK

The moans and screams coming from the neighbours next door were getting too loud last night, that I had to go over and knock on their door.

Upon opening up, a sweaty guy appeared in a bathrobe, smiling at me.

I said, "Excuse me, I'd like to talk about your lady screaming out loud."

"Oh I'm sorry, were we too loud?" he asked.

"No, I just need some tips," I replied, "She doesn't moan as much when I'm Tupping her."

[vetran]

For PC

I hate living on a council estate.

There's always some idiot trying to keep you awake at all hours of the afternoon.

[vetran]

A double decker bus has been stolen from Stagecoach and found crashed in Droylsden. A company spokesman has said,

"If whoever did this would like to contact the depot, we can offer him a start on Monday morning. "

[vetran]

"Hello, my name's Dave and I'm addicted to baby powder."

-Talcoholics anonymous.

[vetran]

After doing the conga at the Christmas party, I was sacked on the spot.

Luckily I hated working at the zoo.

[vetran]

wait for it...

I was in my local brothel the other day for a cream tea and I decided to start a food fight. Before I knew it, I was thrown out and banned for life.

I learned an important lesson that day:
People in brass houses shouldn't throw scones

[vetran]

Isis are planning a full scale terror attack on the Dubai Comic con.

It will be the closest they will ever get to 72 virgins.

[vetran]

for MF

My teacher said I'd end up working in McDonald's. Well, look who's laughing now.

The guy's ordering chicken off me in KFC.