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Please put more jokes here

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    A new TV program to be filmed about removing asylum seekers from the UK.

    The Great British F*** Off starts next week.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I've just received a call from a mate who's fallen into a hole in the local cemetery and can't get out.

      Sounds like he's in grave danger.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        The Islamic State in Iraq and Syria.
        Remember... you can't spell crisis without ISIS.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          How do you turn a teenager into a duck?

          Point a camera at her.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            for the grammar Nazis

            Grammar Girl's guide to guys:

            Con: They're dicks
            Pro: Their dicks
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              for the grammar Nazis

              "Today is a great day for battle! I expected to see a lot less of you"

              "FEWER!"

              - 1381, The Pedants' revolt.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Fat shaming cards. If only they had sugar-coated the message.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I sat on the bed on my wedding night, full of anticipation.

                  I could hear my new wife on the phone in the bathroom.

                  "I don't know if I should spit or swallow." I heard her say to her mate.

                  Funking turns out they were booked in for wine tasting next week.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    After the game Jurgen Klopp pulled his new goalkeeper to one side.

                    "You seemed asleep for that goal they scored straight from the kick-off!"

                    "Sorry boss, but I've played against Liverpool and I thought we always had a minute's silence for something or other."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Over the years I've learnt it's best to start agreeing with the old cow..

                      So we can both be ******* wrong.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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