Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

A new TV program to be filmed about removing asylum seekers from the UK.

The Great British F*** Off starts next week.

[vetran]

I've just received a call from a mate who's fallen into a hole in the local cemetery and can't get out.

Sounds like he's in grave danger.

[vetran]

The Islamic State in Iraq and Syria.
Remember... you can't spell crisis without ISIS.

[vetran]

How do you turn a teenager into a duck?

Point a camera at her.

[vetran]

for the grammar Nazis

Grammar Girl's guide to guys:

Con: They're dicks
Pro: Their dicks

[vetran]

for the grammar Nazis

"Today is a great day for battle! I expected to see a lot less of you"

"FEWER!"

- 1381, The Pedants' revolt.

[vetran]

Fat shaming cards. If only they had sugar-coated the message.

[vetran]

I sat on the bed on my wedding night, full of anticipation.

I could hear my new wife on the phone in the bathroom.

"I don't know if I should spit or swallow." I heard her say to her mate.

Funking turns out they were booked in for wine tasting next week.

[vetran]

After the game Jurgen Klopp pulled his new goalkeeper to one side.

"You seemed asleep for that goal they scored straight from the kick-off!"

"Sorry boss, but I've played against Liverpool and I thought we always had a minute's silence for something or other."

[vetran]

Over the years I've learnt it's best to start agreeing with the old cow..

So we can both be ******* wrong.