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Please put more jokes here

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    and for MF

    'You're so big!' she said, licking her lips as she stared at my photo. 'Thanks,' I beamed, 'Although to be fair I was standing in Legoland.'
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Originally posted by vetran View Post
      and for MF
      One I got printed in "Fifty Shades of Glasgow"

      Chantelle lay back, hiding her modesty by pulling up her Primark trackie bottoms. She deeply inhaled on her newly lit Lambert & Butler. Blowing the smoke out through her nose, she looked up and shyly asked, "So, dae ye's aw play fur Partick Thistle ?"
      When freedom comes along, don't PISH in the water supply.....

      Comment


        For our Divorcees

        Left my wife and kept the dog.


        Now I pick up sh*t just once a day.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Why can't old people use printers?

          They can't control pee
          Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
          I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

          I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

          Comment


            for MF

            Some people said I'd never conquer my problem with attention-seeking.

            Look at me now. All of you!
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              One for Brillo

              I asked a girl I was chatting to on the Internet if she fancied meeting up.

              She said, "I'm not sure.... What if you're some weirdo? I've never even seen you!"

              "Wierdo? Dont be daft!" I replied. "Shall we meet by the Burger King in town...at say 7?"

              "Oh... Go on then!" She said. "I'll be wearing denim jeans and a yellow top so you can spot me."

              "Fantastic!" I replied. "I'll be in a leather gimp suit and pink high heels."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                For AndyW

                I'll never forget when I discovered my Mum was a porn star.

                It was one of the most confusing wanks I've ever had.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  David: "Elton, I have another phone call from the Russian President what would you like me to do?"

                  Elton: "Putin my ass!"

                  David: "I will get the lube."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I remember being in class 4B2 at school.

                    We were as thick as two short planks.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I saw a sign in the doctor's surgery today saying I was "welcome to breastfeed".

                      Apparently I'm not. And now my wife wants a divorce.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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