Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

OK, plan B is finally coming to fruition, I can officially announce that I'm setting up my own ballet company.
We're starting off small, and our fist production is going to be a low budget version of Swan Lake. We're calling it Toilet Duck.

[sadkingbilly]

[WTFH]

When ducks fly in a V formation, I always wondered why one side of the V was longer than the other.


It turns out it's because that side has more ducks.

[WTFH]

My mate just got a new contract, £1200 a day outside IR35. The role is to remove the white stringy bits from oranges.

I think he's taking the pith.

[WTFH]

I’ve started investing in stocks — beef, chicken, and vegetable.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

[xoggoth]

^ Gordoneo Bennuto, you must have some memory to remember a joke posted 5 years ago.

[WTFH]

A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I might be a type O."

KUATB!

[sadkingbilly]

A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I might be a type O."

[WTFH]

My New Year’s resolution was to give up doing stunts from cowboy movies, but I’ve already fallen off the wagon.

[sadkingbilly]

A book just fell on my head.

I have only my shelf to blame.

[WTFH]

I decided to quit coffee and switch to orange juice.
I’m actually feeling a lot happier during the day.
My doctor thinks it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I think it’s the rum. Either way it’s working.

[sadkingbilly]

[WTFH]

I keep having the same dream where I'm a horse.

I've had it five nights on the trot.

[WTFH]

One for the Christmas present list (apologies for the septic spelling):

[WTFH]

RIP to my neighbour.
He told his wife he was going out for some sewing thread, but he died after spending the day drinking in the pub
... Gone, but not for cotton.