Reply to: Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

With the rocketing price of petrol, I've now filled the lawnmower up with vodka.


The grass is half cut.

[sadkingbilly]

[WTFH]

I didn't believe my wife when she said she'd joined a Moroccan tribute band for The Monkees.
And then I saw her Fez.

[WTFH]

One that you may have to explain to the youngsters....


I lost my pizza wheel, so I ended using a Bryan Adams CD.
Cuts like a knife.

[WTFH]

When Siri calls you Shirley instead of your real name, check your phone isn't in airplane mode.

[WTFH]

The postman told me this morning he’s off to Spain tomorrow, so I asked him if he was going to Parcelona.

He didn’t laugh.

Maybe I didn’t say it right. The key to a good mailman joke is all in the delivery.

[WTFH]

Interviewer: Can you explain this large gap in your resume?

Me: Yes, I tried to move an image in Word.

[NotAllThere]

Can two languages be use in one sentence, or is it mischung impossible?

[NotAllThere]

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

Doyouthinkeesaurus?

Took the grandkids to a dino park today and that just kept going through my mind.

[WTFH]

What do you call a half-Iranian, half-Russian fireman?

Amir Panickova

[sadkingbilly]

my friend writes songs about sewing machines.
- she's a Singer songwriter.

[sadkingbilly]

If England didn't have a word for chocolate until around 1605, what was the War of the Roses all about?

track rods ???

[WTFH]

If England didn't have a word for chocolate until around 1605, what was the War of the Roses all about?

[WTFH]

My introverted neighbour wanted to thank his cardiologist for a recent piece of surgery. He wrote the card "I hope I never have to see you again"
The words might not have been perfect, but at least his heart was in the right place.

[xoggoth]

Excellent jobby keeping this thread going WTFH.