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Please put more jokes here

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    All of my Ex's refer to me as 'Subway'.

    Not because I've got a foot-long,

    I have low quality meat and lied about it being 6 inches.

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      "What are you doing at the weekend?"

      "I'm going to Mount Snowdon."

      "Are you sure that's wise? He might leak it to the Guardian."

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        I used to worry about my hair and teeth falling out in the event of a nuclear attack.

        As a matter of interest, just when were we attacked?

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          I met a beautiful girl and we were getting on great until I asked her out for a drink and she stormed off.

          I'm beginning to think that every woman you meet at AA is a lesbian.

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            I had sex with an Australian the other day?

            And ever since, my voice keeps rising at the end of my sentences?

            I think it's a Sexually Transmitted Inflection...

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              It's hard being a member of the innuendo society.

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                "What's on your mind?"
                "Where are you?"
                "Who are you with?"

                When the **** did Facebook turn into my wife?!

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                  Soon after getting married, I began to realise it was just an expensive, fancy funeral for my sex life.

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                    You know it's a sad state of affairs living in England when even the immigrants are getting pissed off with immigration.

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                      I wanted to attend a couples workshop for people who can't satisfy their partners.

                      But I can't get my wife to come.

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