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    I was watching the TV when I shouted through to my wife in the kitchen "A cup of tea would be nice love"

    She replied "Why don't you stick a broom handle up my arse?"

    It's wee surprises like that are the key to a long and happy marriage.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      What's the difference between a wife and a crossword?

      You can normally work out what you have done wrong with a crossword.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I made a comment about a really fat girl in the pub. She overheard, and started squaring up to me.

        I had to go and stand in a corner, where I was out of her reach.


        think about it.....
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Just saw a couple of druggies doing a '69' in the park.

          He was on crack and she was on blow.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            As I found myself getting bummed senseless by a huge Black man down the underpass.

            I realised that this wasn't the "footlong from my local subway" that I wanted.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I'll have to buy a new washing machine.

              The one I have now has been shrinking my wife's clothes for years.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                "I can't believe it," she cried. "In the pub, you promised me a whole night of sweaty sex with your twelve inch cock and the greatest orgasms I had ever had. Instead you whip out that maggot and cum on my handbag as soon as I take my top off."

                "I'm sorry, I didn't think I was going to have to deliver," replied Nick Clegg.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I could hear my Blonde wife squealing. "Dave, Dave, come quick! There's this green thing running round the house."

                  "That'll be the hedge, love," I called back.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    DAILY MIRROR- Edinburgh Zoo's female giant panda Tian Tian may be pregnant

                    DAILY MAIL- Chinese immigrant scroungers to have baby.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I think my wife is a part time Muslim...


                      Once a month she is offended by everything!
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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