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Please put more jokes here

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    Charles Saatchi has been spotted crying into his coffee, he's clearly missing Nigella.

    That man needs to get a grip...oh wait.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Today is National Patronising Day.

      For all you people dumb Cretinous enough to not realise.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My blonde girlfriend went to change a light bulb. Five minutes later, she walked back into the room.

        "How many bulbs does it take?" she asked.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          "Smith, we need to talk about your maths exam!" exclaimed my teacher.

          "What about it?" I asked.

          "Question 4 Smith :- You are in a greengrocers. Carrots are £1 and potatoes 60p and you need 4 of each. How much do you spend?"

          "Well I know I got that 100% right!" I gloated.

          "But Smith, you wrote and I quote,'nothing'"

          "Yes sir, me dad's got an allotment."
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Just got the new iPhone 5C.

            It's so low budget, Siri doesn't answer my questions until after she finishes her second job as a waitress.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              "premier league clubs back Dyke plan" nice headline BBC, but i think they prefer to call it Womens football
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Gotta use this one

                I'm not saying my wife is a bad driver, but her new GPS I got her just went off and said "After 400 feet, stop and let me out!'"
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  tempting!

                  Was sat with my son watching the tetetubbies dancing and arsing about earlier.

                  Though my wife prefers it if I call her coffee morning mates by their correct names.....
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    A man was arrested after he stowed away in the wheel well of a flight from Malaga to London, Stanstead.

                    Police are calling his hiding place 'indescribably dangerous'.

                    A Ryanair spokesman countered with, "No ... 'Business Class'."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I'm a confident driver due to the amount of compliments I get.

                      Only today I managed to swerve away from hitting a man crossing the road, to which he said, "Nice driving, dickhead".
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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