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Please put more jokes here

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    I hadn't seen my wife in ten years, so I tried to have her declared legally dead, but they told me to **** off, and take my guide dog with me.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I said to my mate, "I think I'm in with the blonde at the bar. I've just asked her for a ****, and she said when hell freezes over."

      He said, "That doesn't sound too positive."

      I said, "At least she didn't say when Nelson Mandela dies."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Had a charity worker knock on my door tonight collecting old clothes to send to Africa! I said if they fit in my clothes there not really starving are they
        Originally posted by Stevie Wonder Boy
        I can't see any way to do it can you please advise?

        I want my account deleted and all of my information removed, I want to invoke my right to be forgotten.

        Comment


          Originally posted by SimonMac View Post
          Had a charity worker knock on my door tonight collecting old clothes to send to Africa! I said if they fit in my clothes there not really starving are they
          they're

          Comment


            Mitch Would!

            "There's a salesman at the door with two young blonde women," Said my wife this morning.

            "Excellent!" I said, "Tell him I'll have one."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Cooking instructions these days are addressed so politely...

              "To microwave, from frozen".
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                According to research, fathers with smaller testicles are more likely to bath, feed and change the nappies of their children.

                Which proves that it should be left to the mothers in the first place.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  As my massive wife waddled out of the changing room to show me her fourth change of clothes, she burst into tears.

                  "You've not liked anything I've tried on." She sobbed. "You've shook your head at every outfit."

                  "I wasn't saying no though." I assured her,


                  "Just trying to see all of you."
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I was talking to my mate. "Since I grew a beard the wife's taken to calling me 'The Striker'."

                    "I don't know any forwards with beards," he said. "Must be another reason ..."

                    "There is," I explained. "Apparently I'm very sharp around the box."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I decided to splash out for my wife's birthday this year.

                      I went shopping in Poundland instead of the 99p shop.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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