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Please put more jokes here

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    I moved in next to NLYUK:

    My neighbour loves getting paid for giving blow-jobs.

    She's a sucker for money.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Today I think I will look out for celebrities.

      Camera: check

      Autograph book: check

      Court timetable: check
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        My wife has OCD.

        She's mentally arranged.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My doctor has just diagnosed me with Quadrophenia.

          It's schizophrenia with cool surround sound.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            One for AtW

            I was cuddling my girlfriend last night when she farted.

            Well, I say farted, I think the valve's leaking.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Maddie McCann walks into a bar.

              The landlord says, "****, I've left the cellar door unlocked".
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                My Scouse friend showed me 10 identical ties he'd bought.

                "I'm going to give my Dad one every year for Father's Day", he said.

                "But they're all the same", I laughed.

                "I know", he replied, "But my Dad will be different."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  What's enjoyable, keeps you fit and gives you rosy cheeks?

                  Botty sex with Cheryl Cole.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Stephen Hawking isn't as clever as everyone thinks.

                    I saw him being interviewed on TV the other day, and he was was clearly reading off an Autocue.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I'm finding it really hard to sell insurance for Muslim women.
                      I think they're all fully covered.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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