Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I moved in next to NLYUK:

My neighbour loves getting paid for giving blow-jobs.

She's a sucker for money.

[vetran]

Today I think I will look out for celebrities.

Camera: check

Autograph book: check

Court timetable: check

[vetran]

My wife has OCD.

She's mentally arranged.

[vetran]

My doctor has just diagnosed me with Quadrophenia.

It's schizophrenia with cool surround sound.

[vetran]

One for AtW

I was cuddling my girlfriend last night when she farted.

Well, I say farted, I think the valve's leaking.

[vetran]

Maddie McCann walks into a bar.

The landlord says, "****, I've left the cellar door unlocked".

[vetran]

My Scouse friend showed me 10 identical ties he'd bought.

"I'm going to give my Dad one every year for Father's Day", he said.

"But they're all the same", I laughed.

"I know", he replied, "But my Dad will be different."

[vetran]

What's enjoyable, keeps you fit and gives you rosy cheeks?

Botty sex with Cheryl Cole.

[vetran]

Stephen Hawking isn't as clever as everyone thinks.

I saw him being interviewed on TV the other day, and he was was clearly reading off an Autocue.

[vetran]

I'm finding it really hard to sell insurance for Muslim women.
I think they're all fully covered.