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Please put more jokes here

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    One of the saddest moments in my life was being left at the altar.




    Worst baptism ever.....
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Donald Trump.


      There egos.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I always punish my liver on weekends.


        Mercy is for the week.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My new girlfriend is in the Taser division of the Metropolitan Police force,



          she's a real stunner.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            From Maga to Gaga
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Trump dies and gets to limbo where God and Satan are kicking the hell out of each other,


              "What's going on with the boys, why are they fighting? " Asked Trump.


              "It's you, " said the soul collector, "neither of them want you. "
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I've raised thousands for Charity.


                She's my favourite stripper.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  You have to feel for the victims of the recent floods in the UK


                  For months they haven't been able to go out of their homes and now they can't go in them either.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My neighbour just banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe that? Lucky I was still up playing music.
                    He banged and shouted, "can we have a little respect please?"
                    So I shouted back, "I am not a big Aretha franklin fan but this ones for you".
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      For Zeity - my new favourite insult.

                      My mate just told me I look Shatnered.


                      I said don't you mean 'shattered'?


                      He said no I mean you look red-faced and fat and really old.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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