Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

WFH : Wank From Home

[vetran]

"Darling...fancy putting on a nurses uniform"?
"Ooh, cheeky boy...you feeling horny"?
"Nah...we've run out of bread"!

[vetran]

Lidl management today said that because of the panic buying and pandemonium in their stores that they are taking drastic action and opening another till.

[vetran]

Don't go to the pub. Don't meet up with your friends. Don't come home with an infection.


Honestly, Boris Johnson is starting to sound like my ******* girlfriend.

[vetran]

Well poor old Prince Charles has tested positive for COVID -19.


Sorry Charles, but you would insist on shagging an old bat.

[WTFH]

I can’t believe the government are relying on models to forecast the pandemic, they should ask scientists instead, they’re not as pretty but they know a lot more.

[WTFH]

Just popped over the road to see my elderly 86 year old neighbour to ask if she needed anything from Tesco.
Luckily she did so I gave her my list.
There’s no point in us both going really

[LondonManc]

I played football yesterday on a pitch surfaced with compacted rubble and broken bricks.

We won 5-4 on aggregate.

[BR14]

a van load of session musicians has overturned on the M6.
drivers are warned to expect lengthy jams.

[BR14]

i told the wife she was drawing her eyebrows on too high.
she looked surprised.