Please put more jokes here

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My wife turned up at a fancy dress party pissed as a fart and drove into a tree,

"It's ok, " she said. "I've come as Katie Price.

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Did you know that when singers have sex they know the note they hit when they come?
Take R Kelly, for instance, he comes in A minor.

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Why did the Catholic priest cross the road?

He was moved to another parish after certain allegations came to light.

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I was attending a seminar recently and was asked to list 10 sexual innuendos.

I accidentally wrote down 11 and had to rub one out.

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My Gran was telling me about the men she slept with back in the day. Stan Boardman, Stan Laurel, Stanley Baker, Stan Lee, Stanley Matthews and Stanley Baxter. She had a lot of one night stans when she was younger.

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Former PC Wayne Couzens started a full-life sentence this week after pleading guilty to murder following a catalogue of amateurish errors. He might still be in the Met if he hadn't made his biggest error several years ago - not joining the Freemasons!

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I was watching a snooker match last night when one of the players caused some controversy when he used a pile of coins to support his cue during a difficult shot.

He argued that change was as good as a rest.

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Last week I was paying £1000 to hide in the back of a HGV.
This week Boris wants to pay me a £1000 to drive the HGV.

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Ironic that an Arab state, so keen on women dressing modesty, has bought Newcastle

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one for warty

I entered a wanking competition yesterday.

I didn't come anywhere.