Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I got on a bus near Bond St tube station.

I said to the driver "do you stop at the Dorchester".


He said "what, on my wages".

[vetran]

The world tongue twister champion was killed in a horrific accident today, he was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry.

[vetran]

Have you ever considered that your whole purpose in life is to be a warning to others?

[vetran]

For Warty

Not saying I’m unattractive, but last night my right hand told me it had a headache.

[NotAllThere]

I went to a fancy dress party as a mushroom. I wanted people to think I was a fungi to be with.

[vetran]

Beyoncé has stared a support group for women suffering from Herpes Zoster.

It's for all the Shingle ladies.

[vetran]

"Five people were killed in a bow and arrow attack in Norway."

"Feck. Was it a crossbow?"

"Well, it wasn't a very happy one."

[vetran]

I've just tried the new recipe lower fat and reduced salt KFC. It's a lot like my jokes.

Not funny, but utterly tasteless.

[vetran]

actually not funny

With the media reporting on all the shortages in the country I'm surprised there's been no mention so far of common sense, forward planning and a competent government.

[vetran]

What's a vegan's favourite website?

QuornHub