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Please put more jokes here

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    I got on a bus near Bond St tube station.

    I said to the driver "do you stop at the Dorchester".


    He said "what, on my wages".
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      The world tongue twister champion was killed in a horrific accident today, he was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Have you ever considered that your whole purpose in life is to be a warning to others?
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          For Warty

          Not saying I’m unattractive, but last night my right hand told me it had a headache.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I went to a fancy dress party as a mushroom. I wanted people to think I was a fungi to be with.
            Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

            Comment


              Beyoncé has stared a support group for women suffering from Herpes Zoster.

              It's for all the Shingle ladies.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                "Five people were killed in a bow and arrow attack in Norway."

                "Feck. Was it a crossbow?"

                "Well, it wasn't a very happy one."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I've just tried the new recipe lower fat and reduced salt KFC. It's a lot like my jokes.

                  Not funny, but utterly tasteless.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    actually not funny

                    With the media reporting on all the shortages in the country I'm surprised there's been no mention so far of common sense, forward planning and a competent government.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      What's a vegan's favourite website?

                      QuornHub
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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