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Please put more jokes here

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    Hey, you did! Well done!

    I often look on here to see if any new ones and but on checking to test veracity of your statement I realised I'd never started at the beginning. Wahee!
    bloggoth

    If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
    John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

    Comment


      Or maybe I've just forgotten them. Senility has its plus points.
      bloggoth

      If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
      John Wayne (My guru, not to be confused with my beloved prophet Jeremy Clarkson)

      Comment


        Her: Do you have pets? Me: Just a dog Her: Any hobbies? Me: Catching frisbees and rolling in fox poo, I guess

        brace yourselves, the orthodontist just died

        "Always give your food a rinse before you eat it," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches.

        Give a man a fish & he'll say "what's this? I ordered chicken". Teach a man to fish & he's all "you're an awful waiter" & "get the manager".

        As a genuine connoisseur, I know the importance of treating wine with respect all the way through the drinking process, from carton to mug.

        I think my ex still has some weird obsession about me – I've just found a photo of us in the bins outside her house.
        I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
        Hands... out infractions
        Face... the music
        Space... between the ears

        Comment


          The man who invented predictive text died yesterday.
          His funfair is next monkey.
          The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

          Comment


            My wife asked me to pass her lip balm and I accidentally passed her the super glue.
            She hasn't spoken to me since.
            The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

            Comment


              Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
              Student: "Meat!"
              Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
              Student: "Bacon!"
              Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
              Student: "Homework!"
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Q: What computer sings the best?
                      A: A Dell.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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