Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

That you Boris?

Breaking News Headlines. The Daily Express have just announced that Peppa Pig is pregnant.

[vetran]

For SE:

Man lost for words when asked by his wife "what is mansplaining ?"

[NotAllThere]

Have you heard of the Nu variant?

Nu variant? What's Nu?

Not much, what's Nu with you?

[WTFH]

I wouldn’t say I was angry about my Peruvian ancestry. Incandescent is the word I would use

[vetran]

The Chinese community in Liverpool always cook in pairs.

They never Wok alone.

[vetran]

The Duke of Edinburgh asked the Queen if she fancied sex.

She responded, "Do one."

[NotAllThere]

What started at a pandemic became an IQ test. Since Omicron is an anagram of Moronic, it's clear we've all failed that test.

[vetran]

The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle, but I always like to check anyway.

[NotAllThere]

WINTER TYRES

I refuse to fit winter tyres on my car because:
· It’s my car, my choice, my freedom.
· The effectiveness of winter tires is not proven, except by studies carried out by the manufacturers (you amaze me).
· My neighbour, Steve, had an accident after putting on his winter tyres.
· Some are already on their third set of tyres, which proves their ineffectiveness.
· We do not know what they are made of.
· Big Tyre scares us with "winter" just to enrich themselves.
· In fact, Big Tyre invented snow and they spread it at night while you sleep.
· If I have winter tyres, the government can track me in the snow.
· Educate yourself, open your eyes.. Wake up sheeple!

This year, winter tyres - just say no!

(OK, doesn't really apply to the UK, since who needs specific seasonal tyres, but it made me chuckle).

[vetran]

I don't know why I bothered to take my son to see Father Christmas. He'd clearly been drinking and stunk of cigarettes.

Christ knows what Santa thought of him.