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Please put more jokes here

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    In a library:

    "I'm looking for a book on sexual innuendo."

    "It'll be in soon."

    "Yes, that's the one."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      My wife said to me "Would you like anal sex with a hooker"

      I could not believe what I was hearing, "Of course I would" I replied.

      My arse still hurts, that's the last time a rugby player ever gets in my house.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I once went out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.

        What a totally unpronounceable surname that was.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          If Liam Neeson played Aquaman

          "I've got a particular set of gills"
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Congratulations to Boris Johnson

            Who has just finished opening his Fathers Day cards.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Scotland are tulipe, still, at least Billy Gilmour got a positive result.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I hear my five-year-old daughter say to her grandmother, "Granny, can you do a frog impression?"
                Her grandmother asked, "What? Why, sweetheart?"
                "Because Daddy says we'll get a fortune when you croak."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  So some transphobic people are making a fuss that a New Zealand female weightlifter actually used to compete as a man.

                  Look, you have to accept that Down Under some female weightlifters are different.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    When my wife came back from work, I blindfolded her, led her upstairs, and span her around a few times. We stopped and she opened her eyes.

                    That gave my girlfriend enough time to get dressed and sneak out through the back door.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      We went to Spain on holiday a couple of years ago, we stayed in a small hotel near the coast and had a great time until the third day when I ate a dodgy tapas. On returning to the hotel room I started to feel very unwell and eventually I phoned reception to see if they could get me to hospital.
                      Two minutes later, there was a knock on the door and in walked a doctor, I was surprised, “That was quick” I said (in Spanish) “how did you get here so fast ?”
                      “I’m the hotel doctor” he replied, also in Spanish.
                      I told him I didn’t think hotels had doctors on their staff.
                      He smiled then said, in English, “Nobody expects the Spanish In Physician”
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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