Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

In a library:

"I'm looking for a book on sexual innuendo."

"It'll be in soon."

"Yes, that's the one."

[vetran]

My wife said to me "Would you like anal sex with a hooker"

I could not believe what I was hearing, "Of course I would" I replied.

My arse still hurts, that's the last time a rugby player ever gets in my house.

[vetran]

I once went out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.

What a totally unpronounceable surname that was.

[vetran]

If Liam Neeson played Aquaman

"I've got a particular set of gills"

[vetran]

Congratulations to Boris Johnson

Who has just finished opening his Fathers Day cards.

[vetran]

Scotland are tulipe, still, at least Billy Gilmour got a positive result.

[vetran]

I hear my five-year-old daughter say to her grandmother, "Granny, can you do a frog impression?"
Her grandmother asked, "What? Why, sweetheart?"
"Because Daddy says we'll get a fortune when you croak."

[vetran]

So some transphobic people are making a fuss that a New Zealand female weightlifter actually used to compete as a man.

Look, you have to accept that Down Under some female weightlifters are different.

[vetran]

When my wife came back from work, I blindfolded her, led her upstairs, and span her around a few times. We stopped and she opened her eyes.

That gave my girlfriend enough time to get dressed and sneak out through the back door.

[vetran]

We went to Spain on holiday a couple of years ago, we stayed in a small hotel near the coast and had a great time until the third day when I ate a dodgy tapas. On returning to the hotel room I started to feel very unwell and eventually I phoned reception to see if they could get me to hospital.
Two minutes later, there was a knock on the door and in walked a doctor, I was surprised, “That was quick” I said (in Spanish) “how did you get here so fast ?”
“I’m the hotel doctor” he replied, also in Spanish.
I told him I didn’t think hotels had doctors on their staff.
He smiled then said, in English, “Nobody expects the Spanish In Physician”