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    How many prostitutes does it take to paint a house?
    Asking as the prices quoted by painters in my area are getting ridiculous.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I was halfway through telling the group about how much Johnson's baby powder I use when the guy at the front interrupted me.
      "Sorry mate, but I think you're in the wrong room," he said. "Talcoholics anonymous is next door."
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I told my wife there's nothing to beat three in a bed.

        You really need to do something about your obsession with darts, she replied.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Why should you never wear Ukrainian boxer shorts?

          Because Chernobyl fallout
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I've been pinged five times today. I hate this new microwave oven.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I once did a gig a long time ago where i admittedly had misrepresented my abilities and the kids at this party were very disappointed by the balloon animals I was making.

              "Let me guess, this one will be a worm or a snake too," groaned this one snot nosed little prick.

              "Absolutely not."

              "Than what is this then ?"

              "An Eel."
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Originally posted by BR14 View Post
                you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
                Luckily so many people upvote me so much I know what they like.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Originally posted by BR14 View Post
                  you really are about as funny as a terminal cancer diagnosis.
                  It's true. But you are not.
                  Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

                  Comment


                    There's a sign in my local park that reads, 'Please do not cycle on the grass. You may injure a young child or elderly person.'

                    I'm pissed about the cycling, but at least they've provided an alternative activity.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Royal Family has 'very real fears' that Harry's '£18m' four-book deal could destabilize the discount bins in WH Smith.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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