Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

[vetran]

for Xoggy

Definitions

SLUGGISH

1. Slow-moving or inactive, lacking energy or alertness.

2. What slugs speak

[vetran]

Sometimes I worry that nobody will ever reply to my lonely hearts ad:

Wanted: feminist, GSOH.

[vetran]

I met a drunk girl on the way home last night, so I went over to check that she was OK.
Anyway, we got talking and got on and I finally plucked up the courage to say to her,
"You remind me of Cinderella."
"Awww! That's lovely! Is it because I look like a princess?" she slurred.
"No," I replied, "It's because you've lost one of your shoes."

[vetran]

In the aftermath of the recent scandals, Sepp Blatter has claimed he knows how to fix FIFA.

He couldn't have worded that better if he'd tried.

[vetran]

Sepp Blatter has fixed it more times than Bob the Builder and Jimmy Saville combined.

[vetran]

I'm not sexist. Sexism is wrong. And being wrong is for women.

[vetran]

Eating at McDonald's has plenty of health benefits.

For instance, it would prevent you from dying of old age.

[vetran]

My wife died in an earthquake

I worship the ground she walked on

[vetran]

I'm not sure EA have thought the FIFA 16 Women's mode through properly.

Imagine the shame of turning up for work and everyone's wearing the same outfit.