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Please put more jokes here

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    I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

    I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      for Xoggy

      Definitions

      SLUGGISH

      1. Slow-moving or inactive, lacking energy or alertness.

      2. What slugs speak
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Sometimes I worry that nobody will ever reply to my lonely hearts ad:

        Wanted: feminist, GSOH.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I met a drunk girl on the way home last night, so I went over to check that she was OK.
          Anyway, we got talking and got on and I finally plucked up the courage to say to her,
          "You remind me of Cinderella."
          "Awww! That's lovely! Is it because I look like a princess?" she slurred.
          "No," I replied, "It's because you've lost one of your shoes."
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            In the aftermath of the recent scandals, Sepp Blatter has claimed he knows how to fix FIFA.

            He couldn't have worded that better if he'd tried.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Sepp Blatter has fixed it more times than Bob the Builder and Jimmy Saville combined.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I'm not sexist. Sexism is wrong. And being wrong is for women.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Eating at McDonald's has plenty of health benefits.

                  For instance, it would prevent you from dying of old age.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    My wife died in an earthquake

                    I worship the ground she walked on
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      I'm not sure EA have thought the FIFA 16 Women's mode through properly.

                      Imagine the shame of turning up for work and everyone's wearing the same outfit.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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