Please put more jokes here

[WTFH]

Veteran, that is one of my favourite jokes.

[vetran]

Veteran, that is one of my favourite jokes.

Its a bit like oh you're in IT can you fix my coffee machine?

[vetran]

Religious tulip Taoism tulip happens.
Buddhism If tulip happens, it's not really tulip.
Islam If tulip happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism tulip happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism Why does this tulip always happen to us?
Hinduism This tulip happened before.
Catholicism tulip happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna tulip happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism Send more tulip.
Atheism No tulip.
Jehova Witness Knock knock, tulip happens.
Hedonism There's nothing like a good tulip happening.
Christian Science tulip happens in your mind.
Agnosticism Maybe tulip happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this tulip.
Existentialism What is tulip anyway?
Stoicism This tulip doesn't bother me.

[vetran]

What do you call a drunken Muslim? A: Mohammered.

[vetran]

My mate was bleeding really seriously , and the first aid book told me to apply plenty of pressure.
So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.

[vetran]

I was in bed with a woman and she said, I want tonight to be magical


And it was. After we had sex, I disappeared.

[vetran]

Warning to all the ladies...

Do not die a virgin...
Seriously, there are terrorists waiting for you up there.

[vetran]

For MF

Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo ?
Ones a little heavy and the other is a little lighter.

[vetran]

For NLUK

My wife's a nymphomaniac who works nights on a psychiatric ward

Apparently she's f**king nuts

[vetran]

For MP

Mary Poppins has moved to L.A. where she has opened a fortune-telling shop specializing in predicting future bad breath. The sign outside reads: Super California Mystic Expert: Halitosis