Please put more jokes here

[LondonManc]

My parents made a lot of sacrifices. You get used to it, being a druid.

[vetran]

For MF

Last night I startled the wife, I ran into the bedroom stark naked and said
"Look at this love, two hundred and seventy pounds of dynamite!"


She looked up and said " So I see, it's just a pity about your two inch fuse!"

[vetran]

What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

[vetran]

My wife treats me like a God.......















Every night at dinner, I get burnt offerings.

[vetran]

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.
She's 25, and her name's Kathy.

[vetran]

I used to really enjoy anal but these days it feels like I'm just going through the motions.

[vetran]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. I want to live forever I said, Sorry said the fairy, I am not allowed to grant wishes like that. Fine I said, I want to die when England win the World Cup, "You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

[LondonManc]

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony

[vetran]

Two fellows are talking about their bosses upcoming wedding. "I don't get it, One says, "sure he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and shes just 26. What kind of wedding is that?" The other says, " well we have a name for it in my family".
" What do you call it?"
" We call it a football wedding."
" Whats a football wedding?"
" Shes waiting for him to kick off."

[vetran]

Life just gets better as you get older does’nt it?

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach
started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed
to fart.

The place was packed but the music was really
loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed
my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs
I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and
noticed that everyone was staring at me….

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod
…….. and how was your day?

This is what happens when old people start using technology