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Please put more jokes here

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    How can you tell Stephen Hawking's been f**king your wife?

    Tyre tracks across her duvet....
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I masturbate with soap... Just thought I'd come clean.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I tried to explain what a double entendre is

        But it’s sooo hard.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Don't you hate it when you go to work and someone else shot up the place.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            If cock robin is the answer, what is the question?
            What do you have in your hand batman?
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Correct me if i'm wrong.

              But wasn't Black Friday Robinson Crusoe's man friend?
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample ovee others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Our local dentist is doing half price teeth cleaning today, it's plaque Friday
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Long ago people got their last name from their occupation...Mr. Baker, Mr. Smith, etc.
                    Mr. Dickinson worked for the BBC
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      For NF again

                      A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

                      The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

                      "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

                      "And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.

                      "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

                      "Certainly, sorry about that" says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

                      "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

                      The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

                      So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

                      The same thing happens for two weeks.

                      Then one day the circus comes to town.

                      The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him:

                      "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

                      "Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

                      So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

                      "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

                      "At the circus," says the bartender.

                      "The circus?" repeats the duck.

                      "That's right," replies the bartender.

                      "The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?"

                      "Yeah!" the bartender replies.

                      "With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.

                      "Of course," the bartender replies.

                      "And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

                      "That's right!" says the bartender.

                      The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: "What would they want with a plasterer???"
                      7
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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