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Please put more jokes here

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    I was in a bar chatting to two women who had strong accents.
    "Are you ladies from Scotland?"
    "It's Wales," one growled back.
    "Sorry," I replied, "are you whales from Scotland?"
    I don't remember much after that.
    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

    Comment


      Originally posted by LondonManc View Post
      I was in a bar chatting to two women who had strong accents.
      "Are you ladies from Scotland?"
      "It's Wales," one growled back.
      "Sorry," I replied, "are you whales from Scotland?"
      I don't remember much after that.
      you met SallyAnne?
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What do dwarves and midgets have in common?

        Very little.
        The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

        Comment


          "Doctor, I've got a golf ball stuck up my a**e".

          "Yes, it's gone up a fair way.....".

          ...my quagmire of greed....my cesspit of laziness and unfairness....all I am doing is sticking two fingers up at nurses, doctors and other hard working employed professionals...

          Comment


            Just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock.
            It's not great, but it gets me out the house.
            “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

            Comment


              Woke up today to find someone had dumped 2 tonnes of topsoil on my vegetable patch.
              The plot thickens
              “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

              Comment


                He's making a database,
                He's checking it twice
                SELECT * FROM Contacts WHERE behaviour = 'Nice'

                ...

                SQL Clause is coming to town
                {emotionless greeting}

                Three Word Slogan

                Comment


                  The Police came to my door last night showing me a picture.
                  "Is this your wife Sir?"
                  "Yes"
                  "I'm afraid it looks like she has been hit by a bus!"
                  "Yes I know, but she's great with the kids!"
                  “The period of the disintegration of the European Union has begun. And the first vessel to have departed is Britain”

                  Comment


                    So it was George Michaels last Christmas.

                    Comment


                      One for SAS

                      My wife says she's leaving me because she's fed up with my low self-esteem.

                      I bet it's really because my dick's too small.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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