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    Cute kittens

    I've always found the study of language intriguing. I had a linguistics professor who always said, 'It's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.' I wouldn't go that far. I think what sets us apart from other animals is that we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I am not getting the hang of the internet.
      The other day I ordered a 42 inch TV and the next day who should knock on my door. A dwarf transvestite
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        how many tourette sufferer's does it take to change a suck this you twunt.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          The other day at home my 8 year son came running in from school all excited

          “Dad! Dad!” he shouted “I’ve just been picked for a major part in the school play”

          “Really Son?” I said “ That’s brilliant, what’s it about”

          “Well Dad, It’s all about family life and I’m playing the part of a man who’s been married for 25 years”

          “Never mind Son” I said “Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part!”
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Just been to Tesco where I swapped 500g of raisins for 750g of sultanas.

            I can't believe the currant exchange rate.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              If an angel statue is removed from a fountain, does that make it a sans seraph font?
              {emotionless greeting}

              Three Word Slogan

              Comment


                The WASPs in the following jokes are `White Anglo-Saxon Protestants'
                and are assumed to represent any upper-middle class, loose-lifestyle
                people. In Seattle, these are 'Mercer Islander' jokes. In California,
                they are 'Marin County' jokes, and so on. Some of these jokes are also
                told as 'Jewish American Princess' jokes.

                WARNING: This file contains material of a satirical nature. It may be
                offensive to members of the following groups:
                Californians Oregonians New Yorkers Jersey-ans
                Politicians Communists Pro-lifers Feminists
                Parents Babies Students Frat rats
                Economists Soldiers WASPs Animals
                Athletes Artists Professors Psychiatrists
                Doctors Lawyers Accountants Managers
                Christians Jews Buddhists Gods
                Polish people Russians <ethnics> Homosexuals
                Hardware people Tech Writers Marketing people Software people
                Necrophiliacs FSEs

                and by now many others who are no doubt offended to have been left off
                this list. The last time I looked there were 139 jokes in this file.

                *The Canonical Collection of Light Bulb Jokes*


                Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
                A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to
                the experience.

                Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
                A: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the
                Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.
                A': Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear
                power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.

                Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
                A: None 'o yo' ******' business!
                A': 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.

                Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
                A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

                Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
                A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
                A': None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

                Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
                A: None. That's a hardware problem.
                A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
                A'': Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

                Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
                A: None. That's a software problem.
                A': None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a
                feature.

                Q: How many FSE's does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
                A: Who can tell. FSE's are always in the dark.
                A': 2. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)

                Note: FSE's are "Field Service Engineers."

                Q': How long will it take?
                A': That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've
                brought with them.

                Q'': What if you have *two* dead bulbs?
                A'': They replace your fuse box.

                Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
                A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.

                Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
                A: None. There's a primitive for that.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  How many contractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


                  None.


                  Contractors screw in hotel saunas
                  {emotionless greeting}

                  Three Word Slogan

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by WTFH View Post
                    How many contractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


                    None.


                    Contractors screw in hotel saunas
                    Not in first class jets?

                    Comment


                      CHANGING A DUVET COVER 101

                      Step:27
                      Try not to panic; you can survive inside a duvet cover for 3 days. Focus on slowing down your breathing.
                      {emotionless greeting}

                      Three Word Slogan

                      Comment

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