Cleopatra's Needle. Good point, well made.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
My wife's left me because of my obsession with crap American comedy shows.
Happy Days.The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't existComment
-
I really like elevator jokes, because they work on so many levels.Taking a break from contractingComment
-
Son: Dad, why is our food so cold and bland?
Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.{emotionless greeting}
Three Word SloganComment
-
Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?
Because he's married.{emotionless greeting}
Three Word SloganComment
-
It's bin day today, so last night as my wife was coming to bed I asked her if she had put the food waste out. She said yes. I asked her if she had put the recycling out. She said yes.
I've got a rubbish wife.{emotionless greeting}
Three Word SloganComment
-
'Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. Can't believe the current exchange rate.'"If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
9 out of 10 men prefer large boobs.
The other man prefers the 9 men.
I see Germany beat Poland in the European Championships. Not much the English can do because they aren’t there. But, true to form, the French surrendered the next day.
Did you know that the mobile phone is the only thing in the world which blokes argue over who’s got the smallest?
My ex-girlfriend has a picture of a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh.
If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.
I just heard my next door neighbour’s window smash and his burglar alarm went off so I immediately sprang into action…
I went round there and got myself a free telly."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the papers jammin' again."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
-
My wife caught me crossdressing.
So I packed her things and left."If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."
I want to see the hand of history on his collar.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- IT contractor jobs agencies plough on with 'ambiguous, burdensome' IR35 reform Mar 22 10:57
- Chancellor, ignoring the hugely unjust Loan Charge won't make 150 parliamentarians (or us) go away Mar 22 09:33
- Insidious IR35 doubling its yield is an indictment Lord Bridges is right to call out Mar 21 10:05
- Government trots out 2022 report to keep Single Enforcement Body supporters happy Mar 20 09:35
- Where Spring Budget 2023 says the taxman's gloves are coming off Mar 20 07:23
- Spring Budget 2023: Over-50s tipped to take inside IR35 contracts via umbrella companies Mar 16 08:29
- What a contractor accountant calculates Spring Budget 2023 to mean for limited companies Mar 16 07:58
- Contractor sector condemns Spring Budget 2023 as a totally wasted opportunity Mar 15 23:00
- Spring Budget 2023: chancellor's full speech Mar 15 22:11
- 10 things umbrella company regulation must contain, at today's Budget 2023 or beyond Mar 15 20:44
Comment