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Please put more jokes here

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    Cleopatra's Needle. Good point, well made.
    {emotionless greeting}

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      My wife's left me because of my obsession with crap American comedy shows.

      Happy Days.
      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

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        I really like elevator jokes, because they work on so many levels.
        Taking a break from contracting

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          Son: Dad, why is our food so cold and bland?

          Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.
          {emotionless greeting}

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            Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?


            Because he's married.
            {emotionless greeting}

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              It's bin day today, so last night as my wife was coming to bed I asked her if she had put the food waste out. She said yes. I asked her if she had put the recycling out. She said yes.
              I've got a rubbish wife.
              {emotionless greeting}

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                'Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. Can't believe the current exchange rate.'
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

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                  I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
                  So I pushed her over.

                  9 out of 10 men prefer large boobs.
                  The other man prefers the 9 men.

                  I see Germany beat Poland in the European Championships. Not much the English can do because they aren’t there. But, true to form, the French surrendered the next day.

                  Did you know that the mobile phone is the only thing in the world which blokes argue over who’s got the smallest?

                  My ex-girlfriend has a picture of a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh.
                  If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

                  I just heard my next door neighbour’s window smash and his burglar alarm went off so I immediately sprang into action…
                  I went round there and got myself a free telly.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    I can hear music coming out of my printer.

                    I think the papers jammin' again.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My wife caught me crossdressing.

                      So I packed her things and left.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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