Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I think I'm allergic to low-energy lightbulbs.


Whenever I switch one on, I can barely see for twenty minutes.

[vetran]

These jump leads are rubbish.

I've been skipping for an hour now and my car still hasn't started.

[BrilloPad]

A man walked into a bar. Ouch. It was an iron bar.

[BrilloPad]

A cowboy goes into the saloon bar and asks the barman if there are any girls. He is told there are no girls, but he can use old jake if he wants to. The cowboy storms out saying he is not that way inclined.

He gets desperate and the next day says to the barman "so if I use old jake, who knows about it?". The barman says "you, me, old jake, fred and tom". "Why do fred and tim have to know?". "They have to hold old jake down. You see he ain't that way inclined either".

[SimonMac]

[vetran]

Bob Crow Special

In memory of a good union man:

Bob Crow general secretary of the RMT has died aged fifty two.

Typical union leader, clocking out early.

-------------

In Tribute to the passing of Bob Crow. I'll walk to work tomorrow.

It's what he always wanted!

------------


Because of Bob Crow and the RMT, I have heard some say strike action should be banned.

I just think that would drive it underground.

------------

Next London Transport strike Bob Crow will be staying underground.

[vetran]

I had my first bus driving lesson today.

So far I've learned how to drive straight past a crowded bus-stop when it's raining, pull out when I see a cyclist trying to pass and how to do an emergency stop when old people are trying to walk down the aisle.

[vetran]

A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat. I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.

[vetran]

"Could you watch my dog for a minute? I have to go to the toilet."

"Don't you know who I am?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"I'm the Chancellor of the Exchequer!"

"Hmm... well, don't sell him, OK?"

[vetran]

Today, the doctor asked my wife what her favourite fruit was.

'Grapes', she replied, 'I have a lot of them'.

She ignored the part about them being fermented and in a glass.