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Please put more jokes here

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    What's the difference between a thirsty Ethiopian who hasn't seen water for four days and an Irishman on Saint Patricks day when they get to a drink?

    The Ethiopian will stop drinking eventually.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Clarissa Dickson Wright known as The Two Fat Ladies chef dies age 66.

      That will be 22 years too early then.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        I went into the library and asked for a book on suicide

        The librarian said: get lost, you won't bring it back!

        I'm joking, she gave me the qu'ran
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours...

          but then I realised I'd just put my hoodie on backwards.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            I said to the doctor, "I'm worried as whenever I go to visit my mother she gets my name wrong."

            He looked up at me sympathetically and asked, "Is it Alzheimer's?"

            I looked back at him in disgust and replied, "No, It's Steve."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I don't understand my girlfriend sometimes, I came home this evening to find this note on the fridge.

              'It's not working. I'm sorry, but I've gone to stay at my parents house...'

              I opened it, the light came on and the beer was still cold.

              What the hell is she on about?!
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I turned down the opportunity to take over my dad's hat shop to become a game show host.

                Who wants to be a milliner heir.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I am always there at the critical moment in time of an alcoholics life if they feel the need to drink.

                  I have an off licence
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Being in South Africa it wouldn't surprise me if they convict Oscar Pistorius's legs, because they're black.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Norfolk has the fastest piano players in the UK.

                      I can see why. They've got more fingers than the rest of us.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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