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Please put more jokes here

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    I'm shocked that they've opened a Wetherspoons at a motorway service station.

    That's way too far from a benefits office.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      For Brillo

      I'm Gonna Hang A Batman Costume In My Wardrobe ..........

      ....... Just To Screw With Myself When The Alzheimers Kicks In!!
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        "My dad is harder than your dad."

        "Yeah? Who's told you that?"

        "Your mum."
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My wife apologised for the first time ever today.

          She said she's sorry she ever married me.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            one for me

            The upside to being an ugly bastard is, I never get involved with shallow women.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              What's the difference between red and green?

              **** all apparently if you're a cyclist.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                I saw on the news today that people are campaigning to have level crossings removed since 10 people "tragically" died last year after they ignored the flashing light and loud ringing bell, then vaulted over the brightly coloured barrier and were hit by an oncoming train.

                I think they're missing the point. Charles Darwin invented level crossings specifically to rid the world of these ******* idiots.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  "Meet wild Russian brides"

                  Do they not have any wild single Russian woman?
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    God comes and says, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.”

                    With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

                    God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

                    And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”
                    If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck,it must be a duck

                    Comment


                      Even though we're not together any longer, My ex wife loves my company.

                      She took it off me when we divorced.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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