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Please put more jokes here

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    How many Brits does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

    None, they just move out of the house.
    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
    Hands... out infractions
    Face... the music
    Space... between the ears

    Comment


      Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. The first few chapters were awful, but in the end I loved it.
      I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
      Hands... out infractions
      Face... the music
      Space... between the ears

      Comment


        Do you have brexit?
        request in a restaurant.

        Comment


          A bishop goes into a pub and walks straight up to the bar and the barman says: "You can't do that. Bishops can only move diagonally."
          I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
          Hands... out infractions
          Face... the music
          Space... between the ears

          Comment


            My wife left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's."

            I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
            I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
            Hands... out infractions
            Face... the music
            Space... between the ears

            Comment


              A tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.
              He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint British pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a few pints of stout.
              After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC TOILETS.
              He really, really has to go, after all those drinks. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
              As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
              "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the tourist, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
              "Ah, yes," said the policeman. "Just follow me". He leads the tourist down a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
              "In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like."
              The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
              Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"
              "No sir," replied the police officer, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
              I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
              Hands... out infractions
              Face... the music
              Space... between the ears

              Comment


                My friend asked me if I was ready to go to the nudist colony.

                I told her I was born ready.
                I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
                Hands... out infractions
                Face... the music
                Space... between the ears

                Comment


                  My only talent is sleeping.

                  I could do it with my eyes closed.
                  I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
                  Hands... out infractions
                  Face... the music
                  Space... between the ears

                  Comment


                    Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.

                    Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
                    I'm perfect, in a very specific and limited way.
                    Hands... out infractions
                    Face... the music
                    Space... between the ears

                    Comment


                      What's the difference between an Essex girl and a KitKat?

                      You can only get four fingers in a KitKat.
                      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist

                      Comment

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