Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I lost a good friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident last week.

He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.

don't worry with CUK he will probably be free soon!

[vetran]

What's the difference between a hooker, your girlfriend, and your wife?

When you're having sex a hooker says "are you done yet?" Your girlfriend says "you're done already?" And your wife says "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."

[vetran]

I watched a gang bang video involving several bus drivers and one woman.

She looked bored for half an hour, then suddenly they all came at the same time.

[vetran]

What's the rudest type of Elf?

---

The Gof**kyoursElf.

[vetran]

For AndyW

What's the difference between three dicks and a joke?

Your mum can't take a joke.

[vetran]

I've just met a woman who raps about equality for women everywhere.

She's called 'Feminem'.

[vetran]

Life...

It's just an f in lie.

[vetran]

The morning of my wife's birthday I handed her her first gift. As she unwrapped it she said, "It's a ******* wand! What do I want with a ******* wand?"

"It's not just any wand," I replied, "It's a magic wand!"

"Really?" she said. "What does it do?"

"Why don't you give it shake," I told her, "and don't forget to say the magic words."

"Okay," she said shaking the wand. "Abracadabra!"

"**** me, love!" I said, peering down the side of the bed. "You're not going to believe this."

"What is it?" she asked all excitedly.

I said, "You've just made all your other presents disappear!"

[vetran]

for the Bremainers

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

[vetran]

So the BBC have reported that teen pregnancy is falling.
But child obesity is rising.
Just proves no one wants to f**k a fatty.