Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

for AtW

My girlfriend said, "Pssst."

I said, "What?"

She said, "Psssssst."

I said, "What?"

She said, "Psssssssssssst."

I said, "What?!"

..Then I realised she was punctured.

[vetran]

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called Wedding Cake.

[vetran]

for MF

A study in Cosmopolitan magazine has found that obese men make better lovers, lasting an average of 48 minutes.

However, 46 of those minutes are spent looking for their cocks.

[vetran]

I went to the doctor's in a panic that I might have early onset Alzheimers, as I suddenly realised I couldnt even remember the last time I had sex.

"Absolutely nothing wrong with you" said the doctor without even examining me.

"How can you tell without a brain scan or even a thorough checkup ?" I asked.

"You're wearing a wedding ring".

[vetran]

Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new...."

"anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.

[vetran]

My wife apologised for the first time ever today.

She said she's sorry she ever married me.

[vetran]

My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex.

She says it makes her armpits sore for days.

[vetran]

I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I'm not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.

[vetran]

So True

How we wake up in the morning:

Brain: "Oh ****."

Body: "Don't get up."

Dick: "THIS IS SPARTAAA!!!"

[vetran]

We choose to masturbate, not because it is easy, but because it is hard.