Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

So basically when porn stars take off their clothes.

They're getting dressed for work...

[vetran]

At the police station I claimed that the reason I broke into that guy's house is because I thought he was a dangerous lunatic and that he possessed some dangerous illegal weapons which I wanted to rid him of.

I wonder if I'll get a knighthood for this?

[WTFH]

Vin Diesel eats two meals at the start of each day:

Breakfast
&
Breakfurious.

[WTFH]

"Did you know Joseph Stalin had a prosthetic made out of a vegetable?"

"Really? The dictator?"

"Oh, I heard it was his leg".

[WTFH]

The human variant of bird flu recently detected in the UK has been called Crowvid-19

[vetran]

The other day, my wife accused me of dressing up as Matt Damon's secret agent character.

She must think I was Bourne yesterday.

[WTFH]

I'm thinking of switching my energy supplier from Red Bull to Lucozade.

[vetran]

Last night my wife and I started punching each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and singing 'Eye of the Tiger'.

I think our marriage is going through a Rocky patch.

[vetran]

Got my bloody viagra mixed up with my sleeping tablets last night!



Managed to get 40 wanks....

[vetran]

Because the idiots in marketing never thought / had the balls to run the ad when Andrew first got caught out:

"Woking Pizza Express - so good you'll forget everything else you did that night."