Two women walking home pissed had to do a pee so they ducked into a graveyard. They had no toilet paper so one woman used her knickers and threw them away. The other used a ribbon from a wreath. The next day their husbands were talking. We'd better keep an eye on our wives, one said, mine came home without her knickers. You think that's bad, said the other, mine had a card stuck in her butt cheeks saying "From all the lads at the fire station, we'll never forget you"
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…Maybe we ain’t that young anymore -
"Have you got something in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?"
"I've got something in my pocket, nan."…Maybe we ain’t that young anymoreComment
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For spooter
I'm not saying that the hotel I stayed in last week was sleazy, but the pages of the Gideon Bible were stuck together.Comment
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I was reading the paper at home last night, when my wife's water broke.
As she screamed and held her belly in pain, I thought I'd quickly grab the car keys and my coat.
With all that noise, I desperately needed a pint.Comment
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I think my wife's having an affair with a lighthouse keeper. Someone keeps ringing the house asking if the coast is clear.Comment
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Two men have been arrested following the death of a man in his 30s in Norfolk. His wife and sister have been informed.
She is said to be very distraught and heartbroken.Comment
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The sexy blonde interviewer asked, "What do you see yourself doing in the future?"
Apparently, "You and your mum," isn't appropriate.Comment
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BBC News - John Lennon's eldest son Julian is selling several pieces of music history from his personal collection.
I had a look, but the good stuff was already gone and now it's much too late for good buys.Comment
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I made some French toast this morning.
Yesterday I made a couple of Belgians some waffles.Comment
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Peter Dinklage has slammed the remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, calling it 'backwards'.
I guess he'll be playing Grumpy then.Comment
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