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Please put more jokes here

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    Panto

    Person A : What`s the coldest place you`ve ever been?
    Person B: Norway, I think
    Person A: And how about your wife?
    Person B: Alaska.
    Person A: Would you? I`m curious to know.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Actress Olivia Williams claims Harvey Weinstein suggested a blow job would get her an Oscar.


      Multi award winning Meryl Streep refused to comment.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Traffic wardens, don't bother putting a penalty on Marcus Rashfords car if it's illegally parked.

        He'll only miss it.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My Dyslexic mate thought Dr Who was Chinese.
          He read somewhere that he entered the Triads.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Doctor.."I'm afraid it's bad news and more bad news."
            Patient.."what's the bad news?"
            Doctor.."you've lost half of both legs."
            Patient.."could be worse, and what's the more bad news?"
            Doctor.."It's the top half."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              My wife wants to go away and see different cultures from across the world.


              Just booked her in a Travelodge in Bradford for the weekend.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Whilst MPs furiously debate proposed cuts to the foreign aid budget I'd just like to chip in with my two penn'orth.

                Stretched bulletproof German limos, new palaces, superyachts and Gulfstream jets for third-world dictators won't pay for themselves!
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  It’s not all bad news for Rashford, Sancho and Saka.

                  Disney have said they’ve admired the gentleman’s penalty shots and would like to offer them all a role in the next Star Wars film as stormtroopers.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Boris says he wants to stop people posting racism online ...

                    Pot calling kettle black ...ooops I've done it again
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      300 ticketless fans entered Wembley via a disabled entrance for England's Euro Final on Sunday.

                      When asked by the police how it happened, a steward said, "We honestly though they were genuinely disabled, as they were all wearing Spurs shirts"
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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