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Please put more jokes here

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    For MS

    As my husband opened his anniversary present, he just stared at me and said:

    "A pen? A pen? It's like you don't know me at all."

    "Alright, Steve," I said. "Calm down."

    he said, "My name's Martin!"
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I can't help but think that Will and Kate have missed a trick with this name thing. 'Elizabeth Paris Mercedes' would have been a nice blend of modern and historical while also being the Cluedo answer for "what happened to Granny"?
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        for the Faqqer

        English is weird.

        It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          For MF

          Russell Brand tells us not to vote...

          Yeah, right - as if I'm going to take advice off someone who divorced Katy Perry.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            So since the election Ed Milliband, Nigel Farage and Nick Clegg have all resigned. The leaders are quitting left right and centre
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Phil on form

              When David Cameron turned up at Buckingham Palace yesterday the Duke of Edinburgh answered the door and said..

              "Damn it's you, I was hoping for the Farage fellow"
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                There are more pandas in Scotland than Labour MPs.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  So. Ed Miliband is now unemployed

                  A bit like most of his voters
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    "That lying asinine politician is prime minister" said my wife as I walked in the door from work.

                    Leaving me still absolutely none the wiser.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

                      We don't know. Rather than change it they'd prefer to talk about how badly it was originally fitted.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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