Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day.
Give a dog a toffee and you'll piss yourself laughing for half an hour.
Give a dog a toffee and you'll piss yourself laughing for half an hour.
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If Ryanair put their prices up again, I'm going to have to stop smuggling drugs ...
and smuggle luggage up my arsehole instead.Comment
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for certain posters
Tsk. Some women. You give 'em an inch...
...and they laugh at your tiny cock.Comment
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I thought I heard James Blunt singing in an alley in town last night.
Turns out it was just a cat being molested.Comment
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They say that mental institutions are terrible places, but my mate seems to be having a whale of a time since he was committed.
He wears tight skirts, a blonde wig, only answers to the name Rachel, and believes that he works on Countdown.
He's living the life of Riley !Comment
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I was thinking of turning gay...
But if I'm honest, it would only involve looking at a different type of porn.Comment
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After worrying about my health, a doctor reassured me that the average size of a testicle is at least 2 inches long and 1 inch wide.
Thankfully, mine measure up. All three of them.Comment
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For Bessie
In the pub last night a foreign bloke said to my wife, "Where I come from, men would worship you."
I think he must have been a Hindu.Comment
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Only a few weeks ago we lost Ben. E. King and just this morning we have learned that B.B King has died.
If I were you, I would grab a Burger King today whilst you have the chance.Comment
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for MF
I missed my weekly 'Liars Anonymous' meeting last night.
I was having a threesome with Beyoncé and Katy Perry at the time.Comment
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