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Please put more jokes here

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    Four insurance companies are in competition.

    One comes up with slogan: Coverage from cradle to grave.

    Second tries to improve on that with: Coverage from womb to tomb.

    Not to be outdone third comes up with: From sperm to worm.

    Fourth really thought hard and almost gave up, but finally came up with:
    From erection to resurrection.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      My girlfriend is writing a new best selling book about our sex life.

      50 shades of okay.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's
        voice from the kitchen, 'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or
        lamb?'
        I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
        She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'
        Join IPSE

        Comment


          IRELAND ......... The only place where........
          • When you were young, you went to bed when Glenroe was over,
          • If you die from alcohol poisoning, you're considered a lightweight,
          • '**** off' means 'Are you serious?', ... ... • The person that you insult most is probably your best friend,
          • Saying 'I will yea' means that you definitely won't,
          • '**** it, its grand' means that you couldn't be bother finish it properly,
          • 'Hes fond of a drink' means he suffers from severe life-threatening alcoholism,
          • Saying you're going for a drink means you might not be seen again for 3 days,
          • Crisps are called 'Taytos' and fizzy drinks are called 'minerals',
          • 'For the craic' is the best reason for doing anything,
          • The best cure for a hangover is more drink,
          • Nobody can go a day without saying 'Jaysus',
          • 'Meeting' has a double meaning,
          • Tea is the solution to every problem,
          • And water is the solution to every GAA injury,
          • 'I got stuck behind a tractor' is a perfectly valid reason for being late,
          • We eat Tayto sambos for lunch, and ham sandwiches on the way to Croke Park,
          • You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. 'I had a rake of drink last night' or 'I'll be out in a minute, I'm just shoveling down the dinner',
          • GAA is considered religion,
          • Its perfectly acceptable to call your mother 'mammy' even though you are a fully grown adult,
          • Saying 'Now we're sucking diesel' means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation,
          • Drinking 'tae' is everyone's favourite past time,
          • You're scared of the wooden spoon,
          • The word 'like' goes in every sentence,
          • You can say 'Any craic' to a garda and you won't get arrested.
          Join IPSE

          Comment


            Last night she was an animal between the sheets.

            She wore her squirrel onesie
            merely at clientco for the entertainment

            Comment


              I was devastated when Tony Blair announced he only had three weeks left to live.


              I'll never learn to dance in that time
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                As a dwarf, oral sex is my favourite thing.

                I love going up on a woman.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  One for Brillo

                  Man awakes to find balls missing. I believe it was called a honeymoon when it happened to me.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Managed to get a girl from the club back to my house last night, by telling her I was an Olympic gold medal winner..

                    "Wow, that's amazing." She said, lifting it from its stand on the mantelpiece. "What did you win this in?"


                    "Online auction."
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      one for MS

                      My wife is the worlds best at self-deception

                      She claims to have had a salad for lunch because there was lettuce on her Big Mac
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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