Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

The inventor of internet porn died last week.

Most of his friends attended the funeral, but had to leave hastily when their wives turned up.

[TheFaQQer]

My favourite sexual position is the JFK.

I splatter over her face and she runs screaming from the car.

[vetran]

For Zeity

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

[vetran]

I slipped my wife some sleeping tablets because I was horny.

With her passed out, she won't notice the hooker in our house.

[vetran]

Two Argentine pilots die in midair crash, killing all the passengers.

With flying skills like that, I think the Falklands will be safe for the time being.

[vetran]

My health has improved so much since I split up with my girlfriend

Every day since I've been feeling myself

[Alias]

Some girl in the street yelled at me "OMG! You're so hot! I want you!", It's true... You can ask Harry Styles, He was right behind me

[vetran]

For Kent Phillip

I was about to have sex with this Thai woman when suddenly I fumbled to get the condom on.

After seconds of struggling, I said, "Do you want to put it on?"

"Of course," she smiled, "I just hope it's my size."

[vetran]

Menses anyone

I am not good nor bad
I am not fat nor thin
I am not happy nor sad
Who can tell the mood I'm in?

What am I?

My wife when she's on her ******* period.

[vetran]

I read in a woman's magazine that the perfect husband is "wealthy, intelligent and has an off-button".

I hate these distorted standards for men, how's a regular guy like me meant to compete with Stephen Hawking?