• Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.

Please put more jokes here

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    My doctor said I should consume more fruit, so I've bought over a hundred quid's worth of grapes.

    A case of vintage Cabernet Sauvignon.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      I recently lost my wife to Alzheimer's ....

      I haven't got a clue where I left her.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        What people in the UK call their Mother:
        Yorkshire: Mum
        Midlands: Mom
        North East: Mam
        Ireland: Ma
        Norwich: Wife
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          How do you confuse a Jamaican butcher?

          Go in his shop and ask for a large joint.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            First woman on the Moon:
            "Houston, we have a problem."
            What?
            "Never mind"
            What's the problem?
            "Nothing"
            Please tell us?
            "You know what the problem is."
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              A slightly embarrassing episode on the bus yesterday.

              I had to tell the woman sitting in front of me that she had semen on her shoulder.
              She said, "No, no, I'm sure it's just yoghurt."
              I said, "I don't think so love. I don't cum yoghurt."

              Comment


                I asked woman on the bus yesterday if I could smell her pussy.

                She replied, in a disgusted tone, "No you most certainly cannot !!"

                I said, "******' hell, it must be your feet then".
                When freedom comes along, don't PISH in the water supply.....

                Comment


                  Kent that you?

                  My wife asked me to knock something up in the kitchen...

                  The cleaner is now pregnant.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    So after around 10 years of ignoring the issue and doing nothing, I've finally been forced to accept the fact that I have now become a minority in my own country.

                    I've never actually claimed PPI.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      My boss just told me I've won the employee of the month.

                      I don't even remember buying a raffle ticket, but I hope it's Carol in the office, she's got massive tits.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

                      Working...
                      X