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Please put more jokes here

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    My doctor said I should consume more fruit, so I've bought over a hundred quid's worth of grapes.

    A case of vintage Cabernet Sauvignon.
    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

    Comment


      I recently lost my wife to Alzheimer's ....

      I haven't got a clue where I left her.
      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

      Comment


        What people in the UK call their Mother:
        Yorkshire: Mum
        Midlands: Mom
        North East: Mam
        Ireland: Ma
        Norwich: Wife
        Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

        Comment


          How do you confuse a Jamaican butcher?

          Go in his shop and ask for a large joint.
          Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

          Comment


            First woman on the Moon:
            "Houston, we have a problem."
            What?
            "Never mind"
            What's the problem?
            "Nothing"
            Please tell us?
            "You know what the problem is."
            Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

            Comment


              A slightly embarrassing episode on the bus yesterday.

              I had to tell the woman sitting in front of me that she had semen on her shoulder.
              She said, "No, no, I'm sure it's just yoghurt."
              I said, "I don't think so love. I don't cum yoghurt."

              Comment


                I asked woman on the bus yesterday if I could smell her pussy.

                She replied, in a disgusted tone, "No you most certainly cannot !!"

                I said, "******' hell, it must be your feet then".
                When freedom comes along, don't PISH in the water supply.....

                Comment


                  Kent that you?

                  My wife asked me to knock something up in the kitchen...

                  The cleaner is now pregnant.
                  Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                  Comment


                    So after around 10 years of ignoring the issue and doing nothing, I've finally been forced to accept the fact that I have now become a minority in my own country.

                    I've never actually claimed PPI.
                    Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                    Comment


                      My boss just told me I've won the employee of the month.

                      I don't even remember buying a raffle ticket, but I hope it's Carol in the office, she's got massive tits.
                      Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

                      Comment

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