Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

My boss said, "As part of our cost-saving drive we're installing energy-efficient lights in the toilets. They work on a motion detection system."

I replied, "That's all fair and well, but what if someone's just going in for a piss?"

[vetran]

Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch.

I had to explain to him I was married now and that's where I sleep.

[vetran]

I went to see a therapist.

I said, "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."

He said, "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."

I said, "No."

He said, "You're a woman."

[vetran]

A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded.

I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.

[vetran]

If I had a pound for every time I got suspicious...

I'd wonder who the **** was paying me, and why?

[vetran]

"McCann Twitter troll found dead in hotel room"

Her parents said they only left her for a short time while they went out for dinner.

[vetran]

Whenever I pick up prostitutes in my car, I take them to a lay-buy.

[vetran]

Katie Price wanted to film her fifth child being born and asked for TV companies to tender.

She refused however, once the only programme deemed apt was Panorama.

[vetran]

Chris Huhne has lost his appeal against paying costs of £77, 750 from his prosecution.

Although he insists he didn't make the appeal and instead claims Vicky Pryce did.

[vetran]

"You must get used to dealing with fat smelly twats!" Robbie Williams chirped to the doctor as the baby slid out.
"Actually, fathers aren't usually allowed into this area," the doctor replied.