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Please put more jokes here

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    My friend doesn’t like to talk about his psoriasis.

    He’d rather sweep it under the carpet
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Due to a couple of people tweeting "War with France"

      The French have taken their usual precautions.. and surrendered unconditionally to Germany
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Had the most embarrassing experience of my life last night when I was at a very posh dinner party

        I totally misunderstood when the hostess said: “ I love the taste of cumin in my mouth don’t you?”
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          I came home and saw that the fat cow had bought a sunbed.

          "Really?" I asked, "What the hell do we want a sunbed for?"

          "Sunbed?" She replied, looking puzzled, "Oh! You mean my new panini press!"
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            Turns out Bill and Melinda Gates are to divorce on religious grounds.


            He thinks he's God but she says he isn't.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              I've just been watching those French boats hoisting their sails.

              Turned out they're huge white flags.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Did you hear about the time Bob Marley got arrested for assault in an airport? He claimed it was self defence...

                He said he was fighting in arrivals, fighting for survival.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  one for Panto - buttons can retrain:

                  Been learning how to guess the weight of dogs.
                  Picked up a few pointers yesterday.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Despite COVID-19 regulations, I gave a coworker a lift this morning.

                    I told her she looked great with a mask on.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      one for Gjabs

                      I got myself all excited as i sat down to binge watch the Line of duty and have a good ogle at the nice young men in blue.

                      I was ever so let down because it wasn't the kind of bent coppers i was hoping for.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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