Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

My friend doesn’t like to talk about his psoriasis.

He’d rather sweep it under the carpet

[vetran]

Due to a couple of people tweeting "War with France"

The French have taken their usual precautions.. and surrendered unconditionally to Germany

[vetran]

Had the most embarrassing experience of my life last night when I was at a very posh dinner party

I totally misunderstood when the hostess said: “ I love the taste of cumin in my mouth don’t you?”

[vetran]

I came home and saw that the fat cow had bought a sunbed.

"Really?" I asked, "What the hell do we want a sunbed for?"

"Sunbed?" She replied, looking puzzled, "Oh! You mean my new panini press!"

[vetran]

Turns out Bill and Melinda Gates are to divorce on religious grounds.


He thinks he's God but she says he isn't.

[vetran]

I've just been watching those French boats hoisting their sails.

Turned out they're huge white flags.

[vetran]

Did you hear about the time Bob Marley got arrested for assault in an airport? He claimed it was self defence...

He said he was fighting in arrivals, fighting for survival.

[vetran]

one for Panto - buttons can retrain:

Been learning how to guess the weight of dogs.
Picked up a few pointers yesterday.

[vetran]

Despite COVID-19 regulations, I gave a coworker a lift this morning.

I told her she looked great with a mask on.

[vetran]

one for Gjabs

I got myself all excited as i sat down to binge watch the Line of duty and have a good ogle at the nice young men in blue.

I was ever so let down because it wasn't the kind of bent coppers i was hoping for.