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Please put more jokes here

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    I was standing in line, waiting to get my hair cut, when I realised that nobody had even started a fire yet.

    I thought, "This is a tulip barber queue."
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Why would you run from the Police?

      Well, for starters, they can't tell their Glock from their Taser.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        Not saying I'm lazy , but just paid for a 12 month Gym membership and the bank have called to see if my card has been stolen.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          Come in number 9 your time is up.
          Boss we’ve only got 8 boats.
          No 6 are you in trouble?
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            The wife left me because she said I'm obsessed with beer.

            I should've married Stella instead.
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              The French version of Coronation Street is called "Collaboration Street".
              It's in German with French subtitles...
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                "It says here that people are having groomers bedazzle their pets' testicles with glitter. Look at this photo."

                "That's the dog's bollocks.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  I successfully managed to get both my parents into the same Nursing home.

                  A bit of revenge for them divorcing when I was six.
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    A benefit gig is being organised to help fund research into the Indian Covid variant. Acts confirmed so far include.

                    Raj Against the Machine.
                    The Bombay City Rollers.
                    Caste.
                    The Cumin League.
                    Mandeep Purple.
                    The Birthday Chapati.
                    Crowded House.
                    Delhi Mitri (feat Justin Curry)
                    The Sikhers.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      A lorry carrying Bostik glue crashed into a van carrying my order of imitation firearms, the owners of the lorry are claiming it's not their fault, but I am sticking to my guns.
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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