Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

I was standing in line, waiting to get my hair cut, when I realised that nobody had even started a fire yet.

I thought, "This is a tulip barber queue."

[vetran]

Why would you run from the Police?

Well, for starters, they can't tell their Glock from their Taser.

[vetran]

Not saying I'm lazy , but just paid for a 12 month Gym membership and the bank have called to see if my card has been stolen.

[vetran]

Come in number 9 your time is up.
Boss we’ve only got 8 boats.
No 6 are you in trouble?

[vetran]

The wife left me because she said I'm obsessed with beer.

I should've married Stella instead.

[vetran]

The French version of Coronation Street is called "Collaboration Street".
It's in German with French subtitles...

[vetran]

"It says here that people are having groomers bedazzle their pets' testicles with glitter. Look at this photo."

"That's the dog's bollocks.

[vetran]

I successfully managed to get both my parents into the same Nursing home.

A bit of revenge for them divorcing when I was six.

[vetran]

A benefit gig is being organised to help fund research into the Indian Covid variant. Acts confirmed so far include.

Raj Against the Machine.
The Bombay City Rollers.
Caste.
The Cumin League.
Mandeep Purple.
The Birthday Chapati.
Crowded House.
Delhi Mitri (feat Justin Curry)
The Sikhers.

[vetran]

A lorry carrying Bostik glue crashed into a van carrying my order of imitation firearms, the owners of the lorry are claiming it's not their fault, but I am sticking to my guns.