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Please put more jokes here

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    A defendant gets found Not Guilty of stealing a car.

    So he says to the judge: "Can I keep the car then?"
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      Left some fruit and vegetables outside my house with an honesty box.

      When I returned, there was a note inside the box telling me I’m far too old to be wearing skinny jeans.
      {emotionless greeting}

      Three Word Slogan

      Comment


        Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much...

        It scared me so much that today I’ve decided never to read it again.
        {emotionless greeting}

        Three Word Slogan

        Comment


          A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.



          Schwepped her off her feet.
          {emotionless greeting}

          Three Word Slogan

          Comment


            I found out my doctor’s only been prescribing me placebos but the joke’s on him as I’m not really ill.
            {emotionless greeting}

            Three Word Slogan

            Comment


              Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight.



              The electric bill's just arrived.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                '...A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

                The dog says, "Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth (canine) after us.
                Naming such an important body part after us shows they like us more."

                The cat smiles and says, "You are really not going to win this one you know."
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  My friends were all eating fruits from a pyrus tree, and they all kept telling me to try some too!

                  But I don't give in to pear pressure
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    Man dies after inserting bath tap into rectum.

                    It was a fitting end.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      Are Viagra jokes classed as stand-up comedy?
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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