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Please put more jokes here

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    Plane carrying the German national football team declares a mid-air emergency at 29,000 feet over Scotland and is forced to land in Edinburgh.

    The last time a sports team was forced to land in such a desolate and inhospitable place they ended up eating each other.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment


      How to keep an idiot occupied in the shower?

      Give him a bottle of shampoo that says Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

      Comment


        The few England fans at the Poland V England have complained about a restricted view in the stadium.

        Apparently wherever you sit you're always behind a pole.
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment


          My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with tree's ' that old chestnut
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment


            A man walks into pub and asks barman " Are you up for a challenge? i will order 3 sets of drinks. Each set has a film connection.
            Get all 3 correct and i will pay double the bill BUT if you fail i get them all for no cost.

            Barman accepts challenge.
            OK says customer.
            1. Vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
            2. Treble whisky, double whisky and another treble whisky.
            3. Six small glasses of gin.
            Barman pours all drinks as ordered.
            Right he says.
            1 is James Bond
            2 is whisky galore
            but 3 is tricky.
            He asks his regulars but no one knows.
            So customer wins and all drinks are free.
            After downing 1 and 2 the barman asks whats 3?

            Customer says " Mary Poppins. What ???
            Customer says listen. He picks up and drinks all 6 in turn singing " Gin Gin for free , Gin Gin for free Gin Gin for free !!!!!
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment


              Wembley stadium is hosting a mass vaccination event.


              This will set the record for most pricks in a stadium until Ed Sheeran tours again.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment


                Breaking News - Post mortem results on the Alpaca Geronimo showed no visible signs of TB.

                It was all just alpaca lies.
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment


                  Now that the Taliban control Afghanistan, the new LGBT pronouns are was/were
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment


                    An elderly woman in my nan's care home was taken advantage of by five hard of hearing male residents after I'd talked about my trip to Italian volcanoes.

                    They must've thought I'd told them to mount Edna.
                    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                    Comment


                      BBC News - Australian mother's joy at being reunited with boy lost in bush.

                      Bloody hell, how unkempt must her fanny have been?
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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