Please put more jokes here

[vetran]

Plane carrying the German national football team declares a mid-air emergency at 29,000 feet over Scotland and is forced to land in Edinburgh.

The last time a sports team was forced to land in such a desolate and inhospitable place they ended up eating each other.

[vetran]

How to keep an idiot occupied in the shower?

Give him a bottle of shampoo that says Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

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The few England fans at the Poland V England have complained about a restricted view in the stadium.

Apparently wherever you sit you're always behind a pole.

[vetran]

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with tree's ' that old chestnut

[vetran]

A man walks into pub and asks barman " Are you up for a challenge? i will order 3 sets of drinks. Each set has a film connection.
Get all 3 correct and i will pay double the bill BUT if you fail i get them all for no cost.

Barman accepts challenge.
OK says customer.
1. Vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
2. Treble whisky, double whisky and another treble whisky.
3. Six small glasses of gin.
Barman pours all drinks as ordered.
Right he says.
1 is James Bond
2 is whisky galore
but 3 is tricky.
He asks his regulars but no one knows.
So customer wins and all drinks are free.
After downing 1 and 2 the barman asks whats 3?

Customer says " Mary Poppins. What ???
Customer says listen. He picks up and drinks all 6 in turn singing " Gin Gin for free , Gin Gin for free Gin Gin for free !!!!!

[vetran]

Wembley stadium is hosting a mass vaccination event.


This will set the record for most pricks in a stadium until Ed Sheeran tours again.

[vetran]

Breaking News - Post mortem results on the Alpaca Geronimo showed no visible signs of TB.

It was all just alpaca lies.

[vetran]

Now that the Taliban control Afghanistan, the new LGBT pronouns are was/were

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An elderly woman in my nan's care home was taken advantage of by five hard of hearing male residents after I'd talked about my trip to Italian volcanoes.

They must've thought I'd told them to mount Edna.

[vetran]

BBC News - Australian mother's joy at being reunited with boy lost in bush.

Bloody hell, how unkempt must her fanny have been?