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Please put more jokes here

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    #8761
    I once did my best Mr. T impression - "I pity the fool !...

    Anyway, my upset wife said I made a "complete mockery" of when we renewed our vows.
    "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

    I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

    Comment

      #8762
      My grandmother stopped driving at 95...

      ...after getting 6 points on her license and a fine. Now she drives at 70.
      Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

      Comment

        #8763
        I went to my Doctor and told him that I've lost my sense of taste and smell and my testicles are swollen.

        "I'm sorry"..he said "It sounds like you have Cojonavirus."
        "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

        I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

        Comment

          #8764
          I was arguing with my wife and my son yelled "Yay! Two Christmases!" from his bedroom.
          "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

          I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

          Comment

            #8765
            I've just found out that my wife has been secretly funding a paedophile ring!

            I cancelled our TV license ages ago but she has reinstated it
            "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

            I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

            Comment

              #8766
              My wife's going out clothes have missed her so much she put them on yesterday and they hugged her so tightly she couldn't move.
              "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

              I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

              Comment

                #8767
                I went to Clarks today. I said " I'd like a par of crocodile shoes please".

                The assistant said "ok what size does your crocodile take".
                "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                Comment

                  #8768
                  I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

                  Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!
                  "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                  I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                  Comment

                    #8769
                    Did you know that ten plus ten is the same as eleven plus eleven?




                    Ten plus ten is twenty. Eleven plus eleven is twenty too.
                    Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

                    Comment

                      #8770
                      I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"

                      "Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

                      He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
                      "If you didn't do anything that wasn't good for you it would be a very dull life. What are you gonna do? Everything that is pleasant in life is dangerous."

                      I want to see the hand of history on his collar.

                      Comment

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